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Processing Form B-42.7...
Please wait while we retrieve your stupidity.
Your comprehensive guide to the language of bad decisions. 30 terms you never knew you needed.
The art of overthinking a decision until you've missed every possible opportunity to act. Often cured by making an even worse impulsive decision.
A professional skill involving the redirection of responsibility to any available target: coworkers, the weather, Mercury retrograde, or past you.
The optimistic practice of scheduling more commitments than hours in a day, believing that time is merely a suggestion.
A lifestyle choice characterized by consistent underestimation of travel time, preparation needs, and the laws of physics.
The point at which your brain refuses to make choices, typically occurring after selecting a breakfast cereal but before choosing lunch.
The desperate act of marking all emails as read or deleting one's inbox entirely, hoping nothing important was in there.
The official Bureau measurement unit for stupidity, measured on a scale of 1-5 facepalms. 5 facepalms indicates legendary poor judgment.
The anxiety that others are having experiences without you, typically leading to overcommitment and exhaustion.
The communication strategy of disappearing entirely rather than addressing problems, applicable to relationships, work, and dental appointments.
The magical clarity that arrives precisely too late to be useful, often accompanied by phrases like 'I knew I shouldn't have...'
The unwarranted confidence that you're qualified for something you absolutely are not. Common among Bureau tip authors.
The peaceful acceptance of staying home while others make questionable decisions. The mature evolution of FOMO.
One who demonstrates tremendous courage in online debates but cannot order pizza over the phone.
A shortcut that takes twice as long as the original method and has a 50% chance of catastrophic failure.
The phenomenon where every meeting spawns at least two follow-up meetings, approaching infinite recursion.
A weekly affliction causing decreased productivity, increased coffee consumption, and the strong urge to return to bed.
The compulsive need to check every alert immediately, regardless of importance, location, or social context.
The belief that consequences apply to everyone except yourself. Essential for following Bureau tips.
A chronic condition characterized by excessive mental processing of simple decisions until they become paralyzing complex problems.
The comfortable mental space where productivity goes to die, often furnished with social media and snacks.
Credentials that exist only in the imagination, including degrees from fictional institutions and experience measured in made-up units.
The catastrophic use of 'Reply All' when 'Reply' was intended, often exposing opinions not meant for group consumption.
The gradual expansion of a simple task until it becomes an existential project, typically beginning with the words 'while we're at it...'
The logical error of continuing a bad decision because you've already invested time, money, or emotions into it.
The practice of keeping 50+ browser tabs open 'for later,' creating a digital monument to good intentions.
The desperate hope that real life has a Ctrl+Z function. It does not.
Bad advice that spreads rapidly through social sharing, often achieving widespread adoption before anyone questions its validity.
The natural state achieved by following productivity tips that ignore human limitations.
Using 'You Only Live Once' to rationalize decisions that may significantly shorten that one life.
The immediate realization that you've made a mistake, occurring within seconds of the action.
Our dictionary is always expanding. Unfortunately, we don't have a submission system because that would require effort.