How to Network by Avoiding All Human Contact
Introverts, this one's for you (from a safe distance)
Why attend networking events when you can build professional relationships entirely through passive-aggressive LinkedIn likes? This guide revolutionizes career advancement for the socially exhausted.
*Studies referenced may not exist. Statistics are entirely fabricated.
📝Step-by-Step Instructions
Perfect Your LinkedIn Lurking
Never post, never comment, just like everything. People will wonder who you are. Mystery is attractive.
Attend Virtual Events with Camera Off
Join every webinar, keep your camera off, mute yourself, and do something else entirely. You 'attended' - put it on your resume.
Send Connection Requests Without Messages
The default 'I'd like to connect' message shows you're efficient. No need to personalize for 500+ people.
Ghost All Follow-Up Attempts
If someone tries to actually network with you, ignore them. Real connections require effort.
⚠️Warnings & Disclaimers
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