How to Lose Weight by Ignoring the Scale
Schrödinger's diet plan
Scientists agree: if you don't look at the number, it doesn't count. This groundbreaking approach to weight management leverages the power of willful ignorance.
*Studies referenced may not exist. Statistics are entirely fabricated.
📝Step-by-Step Instructions
Dispose of Your Scale
Remove all scales from your home. Throw them away, donate them, or dramatically smash them with a hammer (very therapeutic).
Avoid All Reflective Surfaces
Mirrors are just scales for your eyes. Cover them with motivational posters or paintings of food.
Develop Selective Memory
If your pants feel tighter, convince yourself they shrunk in the wash. All clothes shrink. It's science.
Redefine Health on Your Own Terms
Health is a feeling, not a number. If you feel healthy while eating your fourth donut, you ARE healthy.
⚠️Warnings & Disclaimers
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