Predict the Stock Market with Superstitions and Horoscopes
The stars have financial opinions
Financial analysis is complicated. Astrology is fun. This guide combines them for an investment strategy that is definitely not recommended by any financial institution.
*Studies referenced may not exist. Statistics are entirely fabricated.
📝Step-by-Step Instructions
Establish Your Rituals
Lucky shirt on trading days. Never trade on Friday the 13th. Knock on wood before buying.
Consult the Stars
Read your horoscope every morning. 'Good day for financial decisions' means buy. 'Be cautious' means sell.
Look for Signs
Bird flies right? Bullish. Left? Bearish. Up? YOLO into meme stocks.
Blame External Forces
When you lose money, it's the universe's fault. When you profit, you're clearly aligned with cosmic energy.
⚠️Warnings & Disclaimers
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📝Victim Testimonials
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